So this past week, as well as the previous one, were dedicated to failing physics and supervising children. Whoopie! So exciting, it really was. I learned how truly important it is to speak up and talk. I know I often miss out on opportunities that I get because I don't like hearing myself talk, which I guess explains why I always end up cutting people off when they talk. Strange me. But then, I also mumble when I talk, which adds to my dyslexia. Eee-nun-SI-ate.
Anyways, the last two modules in physics dealt with optics. O how the prof fails to see that the class needs HELP, and can't learn on its own. Examples are good; gotta remember to always ask for one now in future classes. Got to look ahead at the homework and make sure the book aint as dyslexic as I am. I really hate crappy textbooks. If you're gonna buy one, get one that's up to date, has plenty of examples, and hopefully the odd answers too. Teaching a science class with few, or in this case, NO examples is FAIL. ugh :/ Well, now I know why bubbles reflect rainbow colors, why their films look all swirly :D, how rainbows are made, what causes far-red and red light (involved in photosynthesis), and all those amazing topics that relate to how things appear. The mirror reflection/refraction/defraction/polarization crap math can go die. O yea, final next week. Grr. I need to study what each of those things mean. ..I think there's more to study too. It's so confusing I'm gonna die!
I finally wandered into the library at Antelope Valley College and looked around yesterday. Looking through for things Dorfy could use for her extended essay, I went to the religion section without any idea what to look for, or how to look. I don't think I missed Baptists, but I didn't see anything on this group. Bleh. I did find lots of books on John Smith and the Mormons. Even read the introduction to the Book of Mormon. It's rather troubling to read because once you do, there's always that chance that what that faith says is right and what you believe in is not all that right. However, at times like this, I always remember that you gotta remain strong in what you believe. You not simply avoid those varying ideologies/faiths, but you have to strengthen your belief in what you believe, or otherwise try to understand how what you believe in does not make sense, or how it has contradictions, etc. I know that people will always have different interpretations of all these faith related issues, but as long as it's clear in your head, then what other people say doesn't have to knock that foundation down. Yes, it's good to integrate ideas and create a fluid arena for discussion, but I really don't want to have everything jumbled up and get confused about such things. I'll leave this for another blog. Too much to say about religions, or as I would rather call them, faiths.
These past two weeks have also been Vacation Bible School at church. Yay! how exciting~ well, that is if you're not working behind the scenes and preparing for it. Though I had helped out before, this was the first time it was just family and a few close friends working together to make this year's vbs possible. Overall, it was enjoyable, I had my first real interaction with elementary school kids in the longest time. There's many things about them that really surprise me, but there's also those that disgust me and make me hope that my children won't be like that.
Children can be amused by such simple things, such as a bean-bag toss, or a beach ball. I'm not saying that I won't be amused at times, but the time they keep at those things is amazing. Out of all the things we set up, bean-bag toss was the main catch. Then jumper, pool, Frisbee... The topic of sharing. dang, I didn't realize that it was so hard to share when we were younger, but that was one of the worst dilemmas we faced. And then, annoying kids, who nag and beg and scream and shout and punch and grab... They're the hardest to deal with. And the most easy to tag as the worst of a group. It wasn't too difficult to be security and make sure the kids behaved, but some kids were serious pains in the ass.
Scholarships. Ew. So every single scholarship I've applied for, there's been a delay in the results or I don't get to see the results. For the last one by Samsung, I had really spent my time on their essay but to no avail. No surprise there. So to all those of you who DO get essay scholarships, congratulations, but I wish you don't enter the ones I did :/ They're making me rather bummed about applying for more essay scholarships because even though I spend my time on it, other people are always better at making their point, gaining the points, and winning the bling. It's depressing just thinking about it.
The most impending news is about the fire. It's rather scary that the flames are just down the street maybe 10 miles. The smoke wasn't that bad today, as compared to yesterday, but the ash is falling like rain. I pray for the safety of all those involved in battling the flames. Air quality= hazardous :x
Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the saints.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Flakes
and It's Not Snow
It's me. Summer is basically over. I haven't gotten anything done. I feel like I slept through these past two months doing nothing. I'm even forgetting to write things down. Waking up late for class. Living in a daze. It's not too pleasant.
And going out with friends is, and always will be, a hassle. I sit here, thinking. What is the reason for this. The reason for that. Why do things happen this way, in such an irking manner. Everything. I wish that they would go smoothly, but apparently, thus is my luck.
My relationships with people. What do they really mean? What is it that I get out of them. For many, I can say nothing. There's not much I can say, nor is there much to say. I wish for more, but I'm clueless how. And every way I turn, there's some dumb obstacle to walking forward, whether it is myself, or someone else, or just some pesky situation I can't avoid.
He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound’s the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
It's me. Summer is basically over. I haven't gotten anything done. I feel like I slept through these past two months doing nothing. I'm even forgetting to write things down. Waking up late for class. Living in a daze. It's not too pleasant.
And going out with friends is, and always will be, a hassle. I sit here, thinking. What is the reason for this. The reason for that. Why do things happen this way, in such an irking manner. Everything. I wish that they would go smoothly, but apparently, thus is my luck.
My relationships with people. What do they really mean? What is it that I get out of them. For many, I can say nothing. There's not much I can say, nor is there much to say. I wish for more, but I'm clueless how. And every way I turn, there's some dumb obstacle to walking forward, whether it is myself, or someone else, or just some pesky situation I can't avoid.
He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound’s the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.
The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Un Mois à Gauche
This weekend was rather difficult, and I guess what happened was more or less expected. But it happened so differently. Friday was spent in boredom becaues I had nothing better to do than clean house, which I did, and read my physics textbook, which I also did. I spent a great deal of time planning for this Angel's Choir Concert trip to LA, but nothing really seemed to work out. My choices: take the morning AVTA beach bus to SaMo Beach, which apparently is also called Venice Beach?, and then take Metro Local around L.A. in the evening. Or I could take the AVTA Metrolink to Downtown Union Station and take the short walk/bus ride/subway to the Civic Center. Not too difficult. But then there's the ride back. How do I get back to Lancaster by Sunday evening in tmie for class Monday morning.
To add to the 'difficult process' was a little nagging reminder that it's dangerous in LA at night, that I should go with friends, that my parents are busy all day, that I should plan better, that I could meet up with people later, that Sunday was the Lord's day, that I had to help out on Sunday. And then there were reasons to go. Friends to meet. New people to meet. Odaesan to eat. Boredom to escape. There were plenty of reasons to go. and plenty more not to go.
I went. And I wasn't ready to go because parents were being indecisive as usual. That really irks me. Every time there is something that needs deciding, they always have to sway back and forth. back and forth. until it's usually almost time up or we have to make the decision right immediately before it is too late. Then we often are too late. GaH. I guess this trip reminded me to prepare better. Prepare for what may happen, even if it's possible that they will not happen. Dead Ipod. No maps. Luckily, the stuff I threw into my bag before I got out the door got me through two days. Not bad I guess. Still, gotta remember to prep for the possibility of going somewhere. Reminder for today: tennis stuff.
It was well worth the nagging. At least it was for Saturday evening. I got to the Colburn early. Was lucky and didn't miss a step. Walked around. Met Blessing and friends. Had an interesting chat with them. College stuff and summer. exciting.-. Concert was really nice. Sometimes sweet. Sometimes sad. Sometimes depressing. Sometimes happy. It was really moving. Gah. phone is going off for the 4th time. Make that the 5th.
.....
Ugh, I seem standoff-ish again.
Back to the previous entry. About the concert. The songs were wide and varied. As I scanned the choir and watched them, I got the thought that in the midst of a single performance, there are so many characters. Some kids were up there because of parental prodding, others for volunteer hours, some for a new experience, and still others because they truly enjoyed singing. I watched those in the front row. Some were so small, yet sang out their little hearts. They smiled, squirmed, pushed for room, and made me smile. Then there were others in the back, possibly in the choir for more than a few years but very quite and seeming out of place somehow with the rest of the choir. Overall, I really enjoyed the mood of the choir and the enthusiasm for singing that many brought onstage.
Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray.
Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise.
To add to the 'difficult process' was a little nagging reminder that it's dangerous in LA at night, that I should go with friends, that my parents are busy all day, that I should plan better, that I could meet up with people later, that Sunday was the Lord's day, that I had to help out on Sunday. And then there were reasons to go. Friends to meet. New people to meet. Odaesan to eat. Boredom to escape. There were plenty of reasons to go. and plenty more not to go.
I went. And I wasn't ready to go because parents were being indecisive as usual. That really irks me. Every time there is something that needs deciding, they always have to sway back and forth. back and forth. until it's usually almost time up or we have to make the decision right immediately before it is too late. Then we often are too late. GaH. I guess this trip reminded me to prepare better. Prepare for what may happen, even if it's possible that they will not happen. Dead Ipod. No maps. Luckily, the stuff I threw into my bag before I got out the door got me through two days. Not bad I guess. Still, gotta remember to prep for the possibility of going somewhere. Reminder for today: tennis stuff.
It was well worth the nagging. At least it was for Saturday evening. I got to the Colburn early. Was lucky and didn't miss a step. Walked around. Met Blessing and friends. Had an interesting chat with them. College stuff and summer. exciting.-. Concert was really nice. Sometimes sweet. Sometimes sad. Sometimes depressing. Sometimes happy. It was really moving. Gah. phone is going off for the 4th time. Make that the 5th.
.....
Ugh, I seem standoff-ish again.
Back to the previous entry. About the concert. The songs were wide and varied. As I scanned the choir and watched them, I got the thought that in the midst of a single performance, there are so many characters. Some kids were up there because of parental prodding, others for volunteer hours, some for a new experience, and still others because they truly enjoyed singing. I watched those in the front row. Some were so small, yet sang out their little hearts. They smiled, squirmed, pushed for room, and made me smile. Then there were others in the back, possibly in the choir for more than a few years but very quite and seeming out of place somehow with the rest of the choir. Overall, I really enjoyed the mood of the choir and the enthusiasm for singing that many brought onstage.
Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray.
Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Dedication
I want to dedicate this post to Sunny.
It takes some real dedication to play a game, to succeed in life, to get anything done. While I know I often lack that dedication, I try my best and hope that when things do get rough, I can surmount those hilly moments in life. When all is said, there's still some things that remain unsaid and I really wish I could find ways to speak out and not feel awkward when those words come out.
It takes dedication to change a habit, to keep a relationship, and to still hold onto who we are. People tell us change is inevitable, and indeed, it frequently is. Yet, I wish we could do something about that change. About how we change, about how the people close to us change. The world spins. Time runs out. We move on. But I don't us all to move on. It shouldn't have to happen this way. Not with everyone.
It takes dedication to hold a facade, to present a good image, and remain sane under the burden that we give ourselves. It hurts more often than not.
"Look into my eyes
Listen to my voice, tell me what's going on?
I can't read your mind
Please don't close up on me
Can't you see I'm hurting?"
It takes some real dedication to play a game, to succeed in life, to get anything done. While I know I often lack that dedication, I try my best and hope that when things do get rough, I can surmount those hilly moments in life. When all is said, there's still some things that remain unsaid and I really wish I could find ways to speak out and not feel awkward when those words come out.
It takes dedication to change a habit, to keep a relationship, and to still hold onto who we are. People tell us change is inevitable, and indeed, it frequently is. Yet, I wish we could do something about that change. About how we change, about how the people close to us change. The world spins. Time runs out. We move on. But I don't us all to move on. It shouldn't have to happen this way. Not with everyone.
It takes dedication to hold a facade, to present a good image, and remain sane under the burden that we give ourselves. It hurts more often than not.
"Look into my eyes
Listen to my voice, tell me what's going on?
I can't read your mind
Please don't close up on me
Can't you see I'm hurting?"
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