The Impeccable Pharoahs of Our Time

How embedded is the idea that we need to race to the top, find success, earn a comfortable salary, score high grades, study hard in school, etc? The cycle seems like it never ends. One life after another, what really drives our desire to improve society? ambition, personal goodwill, the unknown? Some people really do great things, but for what end? Thinking about my own goals, most of them are because people say that such and such a path is secure, that joining a group here, networking there will help me in the long run, that it will set my future and let me increase my choices. But what really is all that for?

The Israelite foreman in Egypt were adept at what they did. Most likely insiders of the system who knew what it took to use the ins and outs of the slave system to eek out a living, the foremen were most likely somewhat better off the the other slaves. They must have worked out a system of their own to make do and thrive in the slave society that they were born into. It must have been a reputable position, something people aspired to become. "Son, when you grow up, be like Uncle Seth. He's a foreman." "Seth, he must be so smart, he's a foreman." "Foreman Seth is such a great person. He studied hard and was appointed foreman at such a young age." "Son, you see Uncle Seth there, you can learn a lot from him."

Presenting their case before pharaoh to free the Israelite people, Moses and Aaron are flatly rejected. Pharaoh moreover makes the work harder for the Israelite slaves, demanding more production from them while taking away the supplies to make the products. The foremen, beaten by the Egyptians for not bringing in enough of their quotas, plead with pharaoh about their unfair treatment, but are turned away for being lazy. Finding Moses and his brother, the foremen blame them for their new burdens and their new disadvantaged situation.

Losing their comfortable and reputable positions, they place blame not on the system, on the impeccable, immovable, uncontrollable pharaoh, but on the ones who had their best in mind. These were the people who learned to adjust, to make more than ends meet, who were more educated and had a stronger verbal influence over their fellow people. But in the end, what did they really seek? Their own life security, insurance against back breaking labor, comfort from living a painful lifestyle. They failed to see the freedom that Moses and Aaron call them towards.

And how different is society today? are the entrepreneurs, CEOS, movie stars, VPs, executives the people we strive to become? Is financial security something we strive after? Better lives for our children, so that what, they can achieve in their lifetime what we are not able to? For what purpose? The elusive happiness or any other great meaning we make for ourselves, or push ourselves to pursue: why fall into a trend of what is comfortable and accepted, when freedom, offered through God's provision, is freely given? Life may not be, and will not be comfortable, but it is a life worth living, with a purpose created not by a system of the world, with a relationship not fabricated in order to gain riches, with a direction towards fulfilling something greater than impersonal happiness.

reflections

today we started the multiply your talents, and I asked about video, but stuck with my choice of photography. I learned a lot and excited to take more photos. the cool thing was how the exposure triangle worked with the given light but produces so different photos. moreover, the same light make such a difference depending on what angle the subject and camera are aligned.


reflecting on how difficult a time I have been having recently, thinking things about changing my life around, taking steps in spontaneous directions, there's been a lot on my mind recently. what relationships should I pursue, which ones do I need to end. I need to be more clear cut on what I say or intention, or people get confused. I need to voice my opinion more. it keeps occurring that I just go along with things and don't really say anything until it's too late to do much. this goes for work, for training, for roommates.


I really want to end working, but why am I staying around? so that I don't hurt people, so that I can earn some money, because I am afraid to end this. I feel like I have done it for too long to just stop suddenly, but really, I could just.


today's message was about identity, and what we are faced with, what we are inclined towards, using exodus 2 with moses as the context. it reminded me of my desire to drift even though I have physical stability, people around me who care, even if I don't it as such. thinking along the lines of "why am I still here? not gripped by addictions, not emotional deprived?", it is amazing that I am here, from who I was just five years ago. looking at where moses came from, what he went through, what his name means, with all the hands that worked together to orchestrate his life to the point where he left to midian. he adopted a people to call his own. I was thinking how his situation mirrored that of Christ in such an close parallel. 


so what does draw my attention? what do I find compelling? tech toys, food, girls, competition. nothing out of the ordinary, but that's just the thing. I'm just like one of any other billion peoples on this world, with the same desires, lusts, hopes, needs. as long as I place myself where God can use me, can teach me, it does not matter what I can plan out, because what happens even ten minutes from now I have no idea. do I stay consistent with who I was brought up to be, to stay true to the people who remain faithful in my life?


i should begin this up again, to clear up my thoughts before i forget them

ode to s2012p

It's been another semester. I feel like I learned a lot this semester. I had another class that though I found difficult, I really enjoyed. Overall, the classes I had this semester were fairly good ones, and I'm happy that for the first time at Cal, I have taken three classes. It seemed hard but much more doable and I'm glad I didn't overfill my plate. I even ran more, cooked more and shopped more this semester! woo

I'm surprised that I still work in California Hall. I thought when I started that I would only be there for a summer, or possibly a semester. It's been almost a year... I enjoy working there, and my supervisor makes my job very nice. It's really great actually for someone like me. There's menial work, but it's totally doable. Yesterday I got to put a table together, Friday some swivel chairs. I get to walk around campus for miles. There are off days, but for the most part that's the bulk of my job.

I have been fluxing with my time devoted to reading and learning about the Bible, and it is something I know I should be doing more. I have learned a lot this semester, and finally had the motivation to memorize various verses through SK1. But time cannot all be spent learned and listening to lectures, but I know I have to apply and use what I learn.

Though I was not as involved with IEEE as I could have been, I think I was present enough and helped out enough over the semester. I did what I could, but of course I could have done more. I applied to be an officer again, maybe even an exec. haha. I am really debating whether I should even be involved with this club anymore. It's great for networking and all, and I get free food, which is awesome, but I have not really learned much through my position in the club. If I possibly do switch committees, maybe I can find something there. Who knows? Not too expectant.

For summer, I'm going to China for a summer exchange program in July. That's going to be fun, but that means that for the remainder of summer I have to find something to do. I finally registered for 6 units yesterday, music and stats. One for fun, one for the extra .3 math units I need to graduate.. haha I should be doable, but I also think it's possible I may take another math class in the future. 16A to mess up the freshmen curve or 110 to mess up my GPA. haha.

Leap Year

There's a February 29th this year :]

I've can't say that I've been overwhelmed with school, but I do have a busy schedule. Even though I'm only taking 12units, it's still a lot to handle while working 12-15 hours a week. Again, time just slips by and I can't really find out what I've been doing. nothing really productive, or at least not much to show. I've gotten to know people better, which is good. Just don't know where this will lead me, or what this will lead to. Yes I realize that making relationships with people is in the long run, better than finishing a project or leading an event or whatever, it's just people don't look at that when you show them a resume, and they are asking what projects did you do recently and what difficulties did you have to overcome, etc. 

It's been difficult looking for internships and research, and I missed the deadline for summer on-campus IT jobs. I've been thinking that if I really want to be more involved in church, then all this other stuff about worrying over my future is just a side frill that I don't have stress myself over. In fact, someone from Lancaster emailed me today about a possible referral to LM. Really surprising. I don't know how that will turn out, but it did remind me that there are things outside of my scope of preparation that may lead me elsewhere. I tried to look for research, but none of it panned out. haha. I didn't know what to say when the professor asked "what are you good at?" What am I good at? in the lab, I have no clue...working with my hands? no lab experience. I can water your plants...wash your dishes? haha.

So I am getting baptized this Sunday. Exciting yet scary, as this is a second major decision I've made since coming to Gracepoint. It feels like a lottery who they choose to share on the big screen. Maybe me? I dont know.

I've been thinking about going to Taiwan for a semester, maybe even a year, if possible. If I don't go now, who knows when I will have another chance to do this. I guess this could be something spontaneous, but it is something I've been thinking about a lot. I've also been motivated by people encouraging me in my decision (or at least thought of deciding) to go.

About my relationships, I definitely know my peers better, but I still feel that I have not seen much change on my part on taking the initiative to get to know them more. It usually dwindles to talk about school, or mindless chatter. I do realize that we rarely bring up material that we discuss in SK1, or things that we hear during messages. Somehow, studying is always on peoples' minds, or on my mind...And I'm not sure if I'm not looking in the right places, or if I'm not asking at all, but I can't seem to find a place to meet up with people and talk about such things. I know if I quit my job...I'll have time, but eh. I really wish I would be more spontaneous in a way. I don't like being a J all the time.

It really is a struggle to mature, and not look yearningly back at years before, when I could have changed so many things... can't be dreaming my future away. lo23 you for reading this

good, better, best

"It is hard because so many people cannot be brought to
realise that when B is better than C, A may be even better than
B. They like thinking in terms of good and bad, not of good,
better, and best, or bad, worse and worst. They want to know
whether you think patriotism a good thing: if you reply that it
is, of course, far better than individual selfishness, but that it is
inferior to universal charity and should always give way to
universal charity when the two conflict, they think you are
being evasive. They ask what you think of duelling. If you
reply that it is far better to forgive a man than to fight a duel
with him, but that even a duel might be better than a lifelong
enmity which expresses itself in secret efforts to ‘do the man
down’, they go away complaining that you would not give
them a straight answer. I hope no one will make this mistake
about what I am now going to say.
What we call ‘being in love’ is a glorious state, and, in several
ways, good for us. It helps to make us generous and
courageous, it opens our eyes not only to the beauty of the
beloved but to all beauty, and it subordinates (especially at
first) our merely animal sexuality; in that sense, love is the
great conqueror of lust. No one in his senses would deny that
being in love is far better than either common sensuality or
cold self-centredness. But, as I said before, ‘the most dangerous
thing you can do is to take any one impulse of our own
nature and set it up as the thing you ought to follow at all
costs’. Being in love is a good thing, but it is not the best thing.
There are many things below it, but there are also things above
it. You cannot make it the basis of a whole life. It is a noble
feeling, but it is still a feeling. Now no feeling can be relied on
to last in its full intensity, or even to last at all. Knowledge can
last, principles can last, habits can last; but feelings come and
go. And in fact, whatever people say, the state called ‘being in
love’ usually does not last. If the old fairy-tale ending ‘They
lived happily ever after’ is taken to mean ‘They felt for the next
fifty years exactly as they felt the day before they were married’,
then it says what probably never was nor ever would be
true, and would be highly undesirable if it were. Who could
bear to live in that excitement for even five years? What would
become of your work, your appetite, your sleep, your friendships?" -cslewis

Taiwan Winter Mission Trip Reflection

What was the most memorable moment, event or person during the trip?

The Sunday Christmas baptism at the NTHU swimming pool was very moving and memorable. I heard comments about the students having trouble sleeping the few days around their baptism, but overall the parents seemed happy with their decision. I was really encouraged by their testimonies; the six candidates Paul, Edward, Sam, Ian, Lucy, and Elaine all shared about their experience with Christianity coming to Koinonia as well as their many years prior. I especially connected with Sam’s sharing about the financial difficulties of his family and how he had to change his mindset from being money centered. They shared their struggles and insecurities as well as the oppositions to their new faith, yet as these six stood in the water, each shouted, to everyone watching, their proclamation to accept Jesus Christ as their personal Lord and savior. Several of their parents were watching as they bravely declared once again their decision. I have never been ever as bold about my faith, but their witness encouraged me to humble my heart and my pride to declare Jesus as lord of my life.

What did you learn about yourself during the trip? How did it manifest itself? In what areas of your life has God stretched you the most? Please give specifics.

I learned to overcome, to an extent, my shyness of speaking with new people. Usually I am very awkward around people I have not met, and usually I am not the one asking questions in a conversation with new acquaintances. For many of the times when I was with someone, I didn't stimulate the conversation much and did not see how I could contribute. Usually I just listen along and interject comments. When Mike Fu and I were at the dc together I was really unsure what to say and let him carry the conversation. While I wanted to interject to change the course of the conversation, I remained silent.

Right before d/c outreach at ShuiMu I had a nosebleed, but I was able to witness through Elisa's flyering how being open and excited for the gospel helped to open people up to talking. I tried my best afterwards to smile and speak up as I handed people flyers and invited them to our Christmas Celebration event. Another area in which I was stretched was in carrying a conversation. During open time to hang out with people we met during cc I was able to meet with Kenneth, who had attended CC through being flyered to. Nathan Connor, Kenneth, and I talked on and off for about three hours in Mandarin and English, and we shared a lot about what we planned to do the coming year, things we hoped to change, and just other things on our mind. I was able to during my last dc outreach time to talk with a student for almost an hour about the gospel, and made an okay case for the Bible and Jesus as more than just a series of good stories, all in Mandarin too. I found it easier to talk with just me there, speaking freely and sharing, something I usually would be very scared to do. I believe God really answered my prayers and gave me words that I would not have otherwise remembered how to say.

What lessons did you learn about the conducting of Kingdom work, or just serving God and ministering to others? How has the word of God addressed you regarding all of these?

I realized that I have been given so many experiences and I have learned so much about who Jesus is, and I am able to share that knowledge with other people. Luke 12:48 says, "From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked." I have been entrusted with Jesus’ ministry and I have been loved by his church. I’ve learned that working for God’s kingdom is not just about telling people to see the Gospel as true but also to be relational and how personal testimony can open other people to be more open to the Gospel. James 4:6-10 from the DT a few weeks ago, puts into perspective how I should approach ministry, “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble…Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will life you up.”

Evangelism, I now see, is really like being God's ambassadors to people­­­­­­­—that through "diplomatic" conversation people can be more willing to talk and question who we represent and why we do. I saw how true the lines of 2 Corinthians 5:17-21 are of ministry. "¹⁸ All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: ¹⁹ that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. ²⁰ We are therefore Christ’s ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ’s behalf: Be reconciled to God." As Pastor Jonathan Lee also said in his message this Sunday, the greatest gift that anyone can receive is the gift of forgiveness. I see now how important this ministry of reconciliation is; God forgives us of our sins and thus we can share this gift with others, reconciling them with their creator.

Kingdom work is preparing what God has previously placed in people's hearts and tilling the seeds planted before us. God answered my prayer for His guidance with talking to people and having faith in the Holy Spirit work through me. I also saw, through this week serving on the team, the diligence to prayer that I should have all the time—that I need to place everything in God’s hands and trust in Him more.

Leaving this section until a few days after the trip, I think my mind is more able to think about how I can apply what I have learned from the Taiwan Trip. For the new semester, I plan to get to know Koinonia underclassmen more. I plan to speak up more with my peers in Koinonia, to ask questions, and start conversations. I hope to keep the same level of urgency that we had on the mission trip, but I know it will be hard, because there isn’t a ‘definitive’ end to a trip. I want to be able to also ask similar questions to those that I asked during DC outreach of my peers, who are in a similar situation of focusing on careers and grades.

I saw how much I need prayer, support, and correction from my peers and leaders. I will try to be more open in asking people for their prayers. (Please pray for me, for the above, if you are reading this. Thanks)