today we started the multiply your talents, and I asked about video, but stuck with my choice of photography. I learned a lot and excited to take more photos. the cool thing was how the exposure triangle worked with the given light but produces so different photos. moreover, the same light make such a difference depending on what angle the subject and camera are aligned.
reflecting on how difficult a time I have been having recently, thinking things about changing my life around, taking steps in spontaneous directions, there's been a lot on my mind recently. what relationships should I pursue, which ones do I need to end. I need to be more clear cut on what I say or intention, or people get confused. I need to voice my opinion more. it keeps occurring that I just go along with things and don't really say anything until it's too late to do much. this goes for work, for training, for roommates.
I really want to end working, but why am I staying around? so that I don't hurt people, so that I can earn some money, because I am afraid to end this. I feel like I have done it for too long to just stop suddenly, but really, I could just.
today's message was about identity, and what we are faced with, what we are inclined towards, using exodus 2 with moses as the context. it reminded me of my desire to drift even though I have physical stability, people around me who care, even if I don't it as such. thinking along the lines of "why am I still here? not gripped by addictions, not emotional deprived?", it is amazing that I am here, from who I was just five years ago. looking at where moses came from, what he went through, what his name means, with all the hands that worked together to orchestrate his life to the point where he left to midian. he adopted a people to call his own. I was thinking how his situation mirrored that of Christ in such an close parallel.
so what does draw my attention? what do I find compelling? tech toys, food, girls, competition. nothing out of the ordinary, but that's just the thing. I'm just like one of any other billion peoples on this world, with the same desires, lusts, hopes, needs. as long as I place myself where God can use me, can teach me, it does not matter what I can plan out, because what happens even ten minutes from now I have no idea. do I stay consistent with who I was brought up to be, to stay true to the people who remain faithful in my life?
i should begin this up again, to clear up my thoughts before i forget them
